Fanfiction scenario generator: Yu-Gi-Oh!

Stole this off someone's fanfiction profile page. Mostly for the lols, but also to prove that I'm not dead, in spite of rumours.

Name 12 characters from any fandom and answer the following questions.

1. Ryou Bakura
2. Marik Ishtar
3. Yugi Mutou
4. Yami Bakura
5. Yami Marik
6. Yami Yugi
7. Seto Kaiba
8. Joey Wheeler
9. Kisara
10. Mai Valentine
11. Tea Gardner
12. Tristan Taylor

Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fic? Do you want to?
(Yami Yugi/Tea Gardner) Yes I have – it wasn’t a bad fic. I prefer Peachshipping though.

Do you think four is hot? How hot?
(Yami Bakura) Heck yes!

What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant?
(Tristan got Joey pregnant) I think Joey would utterly freak out – he’s not mature enough yet to be a father, let alone give birth! Tristan would probably freak out too, but he’d calm down quicker, and start trying to think of a solution.

Can you recall any fics about Nine?
(Kisara) YES! Most of them involve Seto Kaiba or his Egyptian counterpart, but I have read a very good fic involving her and Thief King Bakura – it was rather hot.

Would Two and Six make a good couple?
(Marik Ishtar and Yami Yugi) Hmm...enemies turned friends they may be, but I don’t think they’d make a good couple. Yami would try to be the dominant one in the relationship, and I have a feeling that Marik would not stand for that.

Five/Nine or Five/Ten? Why?
(Yami Marik/Kisara or Yami Marik/Mai Valentine) Both options are equally horrifying, though if forced I’d take the first one, simply because Kisara is the Blue Eyes White Dragon, and I don't think she'd take any shit from Yami Marik, where as Mai has genuine psychological scarring courtesy of him.

What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve having sex?
(if Seto Kaiba walked in on Marik Ishtar and Tristan Taylor) Pffff! The only reason I can think that Seto Kaiba would walk in on ANYONE having sex is if they were having sex in his office on a dare, so he’d probably yell at them to get the hell out of his office...ooh that sounds like a hilarious idea for a fic!

Make up a summary for a Three/Ten fic.
(Yugi Mutou/Mai Valentine) "He had been ready to hold back. Been afraid to give the duel his all. But she had told him to look in the mirror and face his fears. She had been a true duellist today. He owed her an explanation. And a thank you." ....>.< I'm shit at summaries!

Is there any such thing as One/Eight fluff?
(Ryou Bakura/Joey Wheeler) Probably. I haven’t read any though.

Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve hurt/comfort fic.
(Seto Kaiba/Tristan Taylor) o.O Seriously? Probably something along the lines of ‘Cheerleader’.

What kind of plot would you use of you wanted Four to deflower One?
(Yami Bakura to deflower Ryou Bakura) Who needs plot when the smut is this hot?!

Does anyone on your friends list read Three het?
(Yugi Mutou) Yup! I do too! Mostly involving him and Tea. They are so cute I should have cavities!

Does anyone on your friends list write or draw Eleven?
(Tea Gardner) A few people write her, but not many. There’s a very unfortunate culture of Tea-bashers out there in the world, which makes me sad.

Would anyone on your friends list write Two/Four/Five?
(Marik Ishtar/Yami Bakura/Yami Marik) None of my friends would I don’t think – I totally would if I could think of a plot.

What might Ten scream at a moment of great passion?
(Mai Valentine) Joey!

If you wrote a songfic about Eight, what song would you choose?
(Joey Wheeler) Really struggled with this. In my head, it's Joey and Mai post Orichalcos, and the song is 'Forgiven' by Within Temptation.

If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warning be?
(Ryou Bakura/Yami Yugi/Tristan Taylor) Erm...warning for dangerous hair?

What might be a good pick up line for Ten to use on Two?
(Mai Valentine/Marik Ishtar) "Are you tanned everywhere?" I was informed by the boyfriend that "Is that a Millennium Rod in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?" was far too obvious.

When was the last time you read a fic about Five?
(Yami Marik) As the protagonist? Not for a very long time – it was a het smut, I remember that. BUT he is a bad guy in my crossover, and I'm LOVING writing him.

What is Six's super secret kink?
(Yami Yugi) I think leather is more Yugi’s kink. For some reason I can see our favourite Pharaoh being partial to a bit of skinnydipping (if someone writes this, I will love them forever).

Would Eleven shag Nine? Drunk or sober?
(Tea Gardner and Kisara) Erm...possibly. More likely with alcohol though.

If Three and Seven get together, who tops?
(Yugi Mutou and Seto Kaiba) Kaiba. Though since he’s all limbs, maybe Yugi should be on top for safety's sake...

(1) and (7) are in a happy relationship until (9) runs off with (4). (1), brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with (11) and a brief unhappy affair with (12), then follows the wise advice of (5) and finds true love with (3).

(Ryou Bakura) and (Seto Kaiba) are in a happy relationship until (Kisara) runs off with (Yami Bakura). (Ryou Bakura) brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with (Tea Gardner) and a brief unhappy affair with (Tristan Taylor), then follows the wise advice of (Yami Marik) and finds true love with (Yugi Mutou).

The first sentence actually makes a weird kind of sense, if you're a Tendershipper and a Blueshipper, but I think the thing that scares me most in this scenario is the concept of Yami Marik giving wise advice. o.O

Fifty Shades of Grey Theatrical Trailer – First Impressions

I feel like there should be an air raid siren sounding ominously somewhere in the distance. People scurrying for the bunkers as the first phallic shaped planes fly overhead, dropping leather bombs and heat-seeking sex toy missiles, while a parade of inner goddesses sing like a choir of inappropriately dressed angels in the background.

Or maybe that’s just the sound of a thousand critics simultaneously giving up on the human race and committing seppuku.

I made no secret of my opinions of Fifty Shades of Grey when I first read it. I read fanfiction every day – it’s been a part of my life for ten years, and I thought that I’d been exposed to the worst that writing had to offer me, until I read this book. I only read the first one, because I decided that subjecting myself to anymore of such epically bad writing would be tantamount to self flagellation. I had no problems with the content, like some people did – I seem to recall describing the sex scenes and cliché and trite. I had no qualms about the book’s humble origins as Twilight fanfiction, like some people did – as I have indicated, I’ve been on fanfiction for years. I embrace the adopting of it into mainstream media (though I seem to recall lamenting that this book would be the introduction of so many people to such a wonderful and unique community).

No my issues began with the characters, the primary of which was that Ana is such a fucking boring protagonist. If story characters are meant to grow like a tree sprouting out of the ground, then Ana grows like a carrot – backwards into the earth. By the end of the story, she’s learned no lesson from her mishaps, and she’s just as naive, frustrating and unlikable as she was at the start – possibly more so, because you’ve wasted hours of your life reading the book and you resent her for it. But even if she’d been the most engaging character on the planet, it wouldn’t have mattered, because it’s been a while since I read such epically dire writing. I speak no hyperbole when I say that I have read fanfictions by fourteen year olds which had a better grasp of sentence structure. And for the love of God, someone buy the author a thesaurus before she has the chance to write anything else!

It’s important for me to reiterate my opinions of the book here, in order to lend some context to my thoughts going into the trailer. Like most of the literary minded community, I’d been silently weeping since they announced that they were making a movie out of the book, and so the presence of the trailer sent an immediate shudder of disgust through me, before I’d even clicked on the link. I did try to view it as an entirely separate being, and make myself forget that the book ever existed in order to judge the trailer on it’s own merits. But that’s impossible – the stain of the book is just too large to ignore on the underpants of this movie, so I’m just going to review it with the knowledge, and see how I feel at the end.

First impressions are slick and shiny (rather how I imagine the actors will look at the end of every sex scene). A lot of effort seems to have been made to make this movie full of visual impact, which would make sense given the nature of this story. The locations are crisp and modern, with deep colours or flawless chromes. And while we’re on the subject of things we can absorb with our eyes, okay guys, we get the picture – scene one and you’ve dressed Ana in something visually reminiscent of a schoolgirl, holding a year four exercise book to depict her innocence at the beginning of the story. Aren’t you clever?

Any hopes I might have had that Ana might find some pools of depth for this movie are being swiftly dashed. She seems as bland and unlikeable as she is in the books. Actually Christian is drawing my eye more, and I think that’s because he’s provoking the correct reaction from me – to lamp him one in the face. He appears, for all intents and purposes in this trailer, to be a smarmy prick, which is exactly what he was in the books, so full marks for casting there. None the less, it seems that any chemistry there might be one sided. They can give each other those intense stares all the way through the trailer, but the actress playing Ana is still going to have to work really hard to convince me that she’s actually into this.

The actual sex looks as though it might possibly have been done with some taste, which is surprising since the book had none. In keeping with the visually slick style, everything looks clean and tidy and not in the least bit dirty. I don’t know if this is just Hollywood trying not to turn us all off with realism, or if it’s just them trying to stick to their visual style consistently. The trailer actually makes an effort to convince us that there is plot in this story, and not just an endless string of sex scenes, and I have to give it it’s due – if I hadn’t read the books, I’d actually think that this might be going somewhere.

Never mind the details though. Let’s just get to the ultimate question.

Did the trailer make me want to see the movie?

Well yes, and not just because I wanted to since I first heard about it. Morbid fascination is a factor here, but I am genuinely interested to see what they can do with such a terrible story. I don’t like being disappointed by movies, contrary to what some people might believe. And I must give things a chance to surprise me. That’s not to say that I won’t be taking this movie with a pinch of salt – more a mountain of the stuff.

I have to admit, that for all the praise and abuse that got heaped at the book, the people who’ve made the movie seem to have tried really really hard to treat it as a serious film. In fact if you don’t think about the book for a moment, the film almost seems respectable in a strange way – a genuine effort to make something engaging with a proper plot and characters that you might actually grow to care about. But at the end of the day, the cynic in me sees this movie for what it really is – an effort to cash in on a book that has no right to be as popular as it is.

Actually, taking the trailer as read, it seems as though more of the focus has been dedicated to the relationship between the characters, rather than the sexual nature (although that doesn’t seem to have been skimped on either). But what good is that going to be, when Ana is about as engaging as a ham and cheese sandwich? If this is the case, and they have tried to sell this more as a romance than a fuck fest, then I will at least be able to give them props for trying to improve the source material. But then again, this is a trailer, and if history has taught us anything it’s that trailers lie to us more than a cheating spouse. So I will take my mountain of salt with me to the cinema, and I will take everything that this movie gives me with a spoonful of it.

If I don’t come out at the end, someone ring an ambulance?

Have you ever told me that I’m not allowed to have an opinion on your country because I don’t live there and it doesn’t affect me? Well today is your lucky day. For five minutes I will do just that!

“It’s not your country, so you don’t have the right to get upset or have an opinion about this. It’s not going to affect you.”

This was what I was told the other day when I brought up the subject of the US Supreme Court’s decision to allow companies to refuse to pay for employee’s medicine based on their religious beliefs. At the time I took it to be an inefficient and laughable attempt to close this debate because the person was unable to come up with a counter argument for my point. In the end, we agreed to disagree, and left it at that.

But thinking back on it two days later, I realise the unfortunate implications of this statement, and I’m appalled by them. Well, nobody said I was quick at picking up on this sort of thing, but better late than never I guess.

Thinking about it, this is an argument that I’ve been on the receiving end of a lot. When a good fifty percent of my friends are not resident in the UK (and most of them are indeed, American), it’s inevitable that the subject of our country’s policies comes up eventually. And I like a good debate. I like watching two sides duke it out, either butting heads like furious rhinos, or one side crumbling like a soggy biscuit. But I also like being a part of them. I like getting passionate about my own opinion, and yes, I like the sound of my own voice.

I’ve never liked the “you don’t live here, so therefore you can’t have an opinion” argument, mostly because I always think that if that’s your only defence left to you, then you’ve pretty much lost the fight – it’s like invoking Godwin’s law only with less Nazis. I can see the basis for this argument. It’s very difficult to have a clear view of a country and its make-up when you’re an outsider looking in – heck, being an insider looking in often isn’t enough given how diverse the average culture is and how many levels make up society. There are so many sides to a story that it is impossible to generalise them all into a blueprint of the entire patch of land. I might get very upset as an outsider that American women are having more and more obstacles thrown up in the way of their sexual freedom and health all in the name of religion and freedom to express your belief, but maybe there’s a side to this argument that I’m just not seeing from my privileged position as a judging foreigner.

So let’s pretend that everyone who’s ever said to me that I’m not allowed an opinion on a country that I don’t live in, is correct. For the next five minutes, if it doesn’t affect me or my country, then I’m not allowed to care or have an opinion about it.

I’m not allowed to care that over seven hundred people are dying in West Africa from the worst Ebola outbreak ever recorded. When I think of how many families that are being torn apart as their loved ones are put into a unit of isolation where only ten percent of infected will survive, I’m not allowed to feel sad for the woman crying over her children, or the little boy weeping for his father as he coughs and vomits up blood.

I’m not allowed to care that there are still about two hundred girls between the ages of sixteen and eighteen missing in Nigeria, kidnapped from their school by terrorists while they sat their exams, being sold off at this very moment as wives or sex slaves. I’m not allowed to care about how scared they must all be feeling, and how much despair they must be experiencing as each day goes by with no sight of rescue.

I’m not allowed to care that in a few months a woman will inevitably be beaten to death outside a sexual health clinic in Massachusetts by a petitioner who’s being there was sanctioned in the name of freedom of speech. Why would I? I don’t live there.

I’m not allowed to care that in five countries in the world men can still be put to death for being gay. I’m not allowed to care that, until last year, domestic violence against women and children was perfectly legal in Saudi Arabia. I’m not allowed to care that in the last few weeks the news has been peppered with reports of teenage boys being murdered in the Middle East.

It’s not my country.

...

Look me in the eye and tell me that you did not hate the person I was just pretending to be.

So don’t anyone ever tell me again that I’m not allowed to care or have an opinion about something, just because it’s happening in a country that isn’t mine.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have belly dancing to prepare for. Good evening.

Pincushion Power!

Just a little update on what happened to my pincushions! Enjoy!

Burlesque Night

Buttercup Field 

Ocean's Bounty 

Burlesque Day 

Military Chic 

Sunshine Lollipop

Candy Heart 

The Camp fire is dying down: The Unknown Dangers of Chick Lit

It's getting to the end of another Camp Nanowrimo, and as I limp the last few thousand words to the finish line, I'm struck by how hard it's been this time around. Oh sure, it's had the usual hiccups of Nano - procrastination, things cropping up, my own stupidity of running two big projects side by side - but there's something that has been nagging at me for a while, and only now have I fully realised what it is.

When I was planning out the first five months of the year, and setting myself lots of lovely deadlines to teach myself discipline, I was very careful about Camp Nano. I normally have dilemmas on what to write, normally winding up with two ideas and being unable to pick between them. In this case, I was torn between two of my really old pieces of work, that in the last few years have been pulled out, dusted off and begged to be properly revamped: Shadow Summoners, an Ancient Egypt based Yu-Gi-Oh! fanfic that had a pretty solid plot behind it but suffered from terrible writing when I first came up with the idea seven years ago. And So This Is, my first foray into chick lit, which ended up staggering to a halt on fictionpress once I reached university. In this case, the characters were pretty well formed, but the plotline was lacking something.

I started prodding at Shadow Summoners back in 2012 during Nano, and I ended up running both projects side by side. So This Is, ended up being my Camp Nano in July 2013, so in both cases, I would be adding to the word count, rather than starting straight from the beginning. I had plenty of inspiration for both of them, and I was sure that they would both be able to carry me through April with no difficulties. But which to choose?

I looked at all my projects from January to March and realised that, while I loved them all, most of what I was writing was dramatic and full of death. This isn't terribly surprising for me. Anyone who's read my stories is well aware that I have a proclivity for murdering the human race, and even on occasions when I've withheld that particular urge, death is still a constant companion of my stories. Anyone can die and often they do. Even my fanfiction crossover series, which has one of the lowest death counts in my history of writing, features a particular nasty death at the end which reduced me to a steady stream of tears as I typed it out.

So I took all of this in, and realised that it would probably be better for my mental well-being (on tenderhooks these days thanks to my stupid thyroid) if I wrote something a bit more cheerful, and so I naturally pounced on So This Is. It's chick lit, I thought. Plenty of happy teenage problems to blow out of proportion, and fluff so sweet that you develop cavities. Sure, there will probably be a few emotional moments, but most of them will be positive, because that's the kind of genre it is. What's not to be happy about?

I am the world's stupidest author.

Chick lit is a million times more emotionally gruelling than the most nightmarish apocalypse. And I think it's to do with the reality of the chick lit genre. It's knowing as you write that somewhere in real life, someone is being verbally cut down to size by the school's queen bitch until she breaks down into a paranoid, anxiety fuelled mess. Somewhere out there, someone's grandfather is being diagnosed with dementia, and she's miserably wondering if she should have cared enough to notice sooner. Someone's ten year old brother is dying of leukaemia. Someone's mother is contemplating risky behaviour just because she doesn't want to have another baby. This isn't just something happening in a story. These are real problems, that everyone can go through.

It's miserable.

I haven't cried this much over a story since Magic Monsters Dominions and Destiny. And the ten year old brother hasn't even died yet, which I know is going to be the most difficult scene of the lot. Nothing prepares you for the gut wrenching moment when you have to pull these character's lives apart. Every character needs to be pulled apart and built back up in a story - that's how they grow. But there's something about doing it in chick lit, and knowing the reality of these kinds of situations, and the normalcy of the characters that just hurts you a little bit more. Or maybe it's simply that in chick lit the death is more personal because you have to become so intimate with these characters in a different way than you perhaps would in another type of genre. Chick lit has a more personal emotional heart to it, and maybe that's why it hurts more.

All I can say is, once So This Is is over, I will not be writing chick lit again for a while. It takes a stronger author than me to properly do justice to this sort of writing, and I need a proper break from so much death and misery.

Now if you'll all excuse me, I'm going to get on with my magical girl cosplay. At least that's light hearted and cheerful.

Cosplay Spotlight: Miyuki (Lucky Star)

Costume: My third cosplay, made partially because I wanted to wear a sailor fuku (they are unbelievably cute!) and I decided that due to her height, Miyuki was the only one I could reasonably pull off. Her skirt is made from red cotton, with thin white ribbon sewn along the bottom, and box pleats starched and ironed in (thanks Mearle!). The skirt zips half way down on the side (I have put weight on since this cosplay was made, and really should think about adding some extra fabric to avoid pulling the pleats out).

The shirt is made from white cotton, that was roughly sketched and cut out into what we thought was the vague shape. We wanted to make it loose to match the anime (and also to hide the fact that I am flat chested and Miyuki is not). The bottom of the shirt is then tucked into the skirt to get the desired poofy effect. The cuffs were made from red cotton, with thin white ribbon sewn onto them before attaching them to the shirt. The shirt has an opening at the back of the neck to get your head through, which is then buttoned up and covered by the sailor collar.

The sailor collar is made from two layers of red cotton (the cuffs are doubled up too if you were wondering to give stiffness), sewn together, and white ribbon (slightly thicker than the one on the skirt and cuffs) sewn down the edges. The neckerchief is attached to the underside of the collar, and was made from pink fabric. The shirt and the collar have buttons to secure them to each other, and the neckerchief is tied together with an elastic (the fabric does not hang well when tied).

The tights were bought from Accessorize, and I have one backup pair. The glasses are Harry Potter glasses, and work very well for Miyuki.

Make up: Once again, Miyuki is kept light.

Hair: Miyuki’s wig is a curly light pink one, which matches her very well. Due to its weight, it has a clip at the back to secure it onto the head, and I recommend hairpins for a wig of this heaviness too.

Amecon 2010, taking photos in a field (as you do) 

Amecon 2010. The lovely obliging firemen let us sit on their fire truck for photos (though they were a little flummoxed as to what exactly this whole thing was about).

Amecon 2012. This Konata cosplayer squeed at the sight of me, and I immediately squeed back. Ah the language of fangirls...

Amecon 2012. Due to poor vision this day, I had to use my real glasses instead of the round ones.

And of course, when Amecon 2010 hands you the Lucky Star dance...

New Years Resolutions (yes they're late, but screw you, I've been busy!)

Those of you who were bullied into reading this blog back when I first started it, might remember me popping up my New Years Resolutions right at the start of 2013. And since I have thus far failed to post anything significant this year, I thought this would be a good chance to review them and how successful I was. So just pop a party hat on your head, consume your body weight in alcohol, and pretend that it’s still New Year and not Easter.

1.       Complete and finish posting Magic Monsters Dominions and Destiny.

Failed – well I sort of failed at this one. Sort of, because it is so very close to being complete (I’m missing one kiss scene, and two duels), and is six chapters away from being completely posted. This isn’t tasting the ending, but I’m sticking my tongue out and starting to catch a few drops of sweetness on the end.

2.       Choreograph and perform a belly dance solo.

Failed – simply because we didn’t actually go to Jersey in 2013 (we went in April 2014 instead and I failed to perform a solo there purely because we only knew two months in advance and I had no time to prepare anything).

3.       Start a blog for writing, rambling, taking photographs and watching the world go by.

Check – though the amount I use the blog could definitely use some improving.

4.       Start the second draft of The Wolf Pack.

Check – I did half of the second draft for Camp Nano in April.

5.       Make a new cosplay.

Check – I made Kisara and a kimono plus quite a lot of steampunk stuff.

6.       Run the Race for Life in under 35 minutes.

Failed – but only just. 37 minutes 38 seconds, which considering in 2012 I was 42 minutes, isn’t bad at all!

So three out of six isn’t bad, and two of those weren’t so much failures as much as I just fell short of the mark. And since I’m doing this now, I suppose it’s a good chance to outline my plans and goals for this year. Only this year, I have to admit, they are a bit more serious than last year.

1.       Be sending out to literary agents by the end of the year.

This is the big one. If I do none of the others, succeeding at this one would make failing everything else worthwhile. Notable because I have actually set myself a proper deadline for this. By the 31^st October I want to have my current project (The God Relic) finished and in a position where I think it’s a good representation for me when I throw myself at the feet of literary agents. October might sound like a while away, but there is a reason for me choosing this month – it means I’ve got time to whip the second draft into shape whilst ironing out the truck-sized plotholes that cropped up in the first, and also because my second resolution is...

2.       Enter Bridport Literary Festival.

Entering Bridport was an idea I had at the beginning of the year, and I am currently roughly on schedule for it. I’m entering the short story and the novel competitions. My short story entry is in the editing stage, while The God Relic will be my novel entry. Since The God Relic only needs to be submitted in chunks depending on whether you are long listed or short listed, this gives me three nicely spaced deadlines to have different stages of the story done. The results are announced in October, which means that by then I will a) have a completed novel, and b) if I haven’t won, then I’m free to start flinging the manuscript at other agents. And if I do win, I score myself editing assistance and a possible contract. I call this plan solid.

3.       Finish Magic Monsters Dominions and Destiny.

It’s up here purely because it needs to be. I have got to finish it this year and close the chapter on this story series. It’s time, and there are a lot of other fanfictions doing a sexy fan dance in my sight.

4.       Make a new cosplay.

I’ve already got a few lined up, so I don’t know if this is cheating. I’ve got a magical girl cosplay that I’m doing for my birthday party, plus a few steampunk ones that I want to put together.

5.       Run the Race for Life in under 35 minutes.

Needs no explanation. I just have to train a little bit before the race so that I can shave off those last two minutes.

6.       Organise either a Steampunk Photoshoot with friends or a Cosplay Picnic.

I’ve wanted to do this for a little while. Basically I love dressing up and wandering around in public places. And if we can get a camera out there, even better. Plus I have the most awesome friends, who are always up for a bit of dressing up.

7.       GM an RPG.

We have a new game shop in Guernsey with a room dedicated to running roleplaying games. I haven’t GMed in so long, and I have a few ideas knocking around.

8.       Get Craig to come live in Guernsey.

I’ve spent the last few months crying, despairing, panicking and generally making myself ill over this matter, to the point where the doctor has actually told me to stop before I damage something irreparable. I want a mature and dedicated relationship where I don’t have to be a slave to the will of Skype and an unwieldy internet provider that has nothing but scorn for me and my boyfriend. And what it boils down to, is I want to spend the rest of my life with this obnoxious nerdy American, and for reasons I cannot fathom, he wants to spend the rest of his life with this snarky British genki girl. So together we shall be.

So, that's the targets for 2014, slightly ambitious considering that we're already four months in. >.< Better get to work then!