The Camp fire is dying down: The Unknown Dangers of Chick Lit

It's getting to the end of another Camp Nanowrimo, and as I limp the last few thousand words to the finish line, I'm struck by how hard it's been this time around. Oh sure, it's had the usual hiccups of Nano - procrastination, things cropping up, my own stupidity of running two big projects side by side - but there's something that has been nagging at me for a while, and only now have I fully realised what it is.

When I was planning out the first five months of the year, and setting myself lots of lovely deadlines to teach myself discipline, I was very careful about Camp Nano. I normally have dilemmas on what to write, normally winding up with two ideas and being unable to pick between them. In this case, I was torn between two of my really old pieces of work, that in the last few years have been pulled out, dusted off and begged to be properly revamped: Shadow Summoners, an Ancient Egypt based Yu-Gi-Oh! fanfic that had a pretty solid plot behind it but suffered from terrible writing when I first came up with the idea seven years ago. And So This Is, my first foray into chick lit, which ended up staggering to a halt on fictionpress once I reached university. In this case, the characters were pretty well formed, but the plotline was lacking something.

I started prodding at Shadow Summoners back in 2012 during Nano, and I ended up running both projects side by side. So This Is, ended up being my Camp Nano in July 2013, so in both cases, I would be adding to the word count, rather than starting straight from the beginning. I had plenty of inspiration for both of them, and I was sure that they would both be able to carry me through April with no difficulties. But which to choose?

I looked at all my projects from January to March and realised that, while I loved them all, most of what I was writing was dramatic and full of death. This isn't terribly surprising for me. Anyone who's read my stories is well aware that I have a proclivity for murdering the human race, and even on occasions when I've withheld that particular urge, death is still a constant companion of my stories. Anyone can die and often they do. Even my fanfiction crossover series, which has one of the lowest death counts in my history of writing, features a particular nasty death at the end which reduced me to a steady stream of tears as I typed it out.

So I took all of this in, and realised that it would probably be better for my mental well-being (on tenderhooks these days thanks to my stupid thyroid) if I wrote something a bit more cheerful, and so I naturally pounced on So This Is. It's chick lit, I thought. Plenty of happy teenage problems to blow out of proportion, and fluff so sweet that you develop cavities. Sure, there will probably be a few emotional moments, but most of them will be positive, because that's the kind of genre it is. What's not to be happy about?

I am the world's stupidest author.

Chick lit is a million times more emotionally gruelling than the most nightmarish apocalypse. And I think it's to do with the reality of the chick lit genre. It's knowing as you write that somewhere in real life, someone is being verbally cut down to size by the school's queen bitch until she breaks down into a paranoid, anxiety fuelled mess. Somewhere out there, someone's grandfather is being diagnosed with dementia, and she's miserably wondering if she should have cared enough to notice sooner. Someone's ten year old brother is dying of leukaemia. Someone's mother is contemplating risky behaviour just because she doesn't want to have another baby. This isn't just something happening in a story. These are real problems, that everyone can go through.

It's miserable.

I haven't cried this much over a story since Magic Monsters Dominions and Destiny. And the ten year old brother hasn't even died yet, which I know is going to be the most difficult scene of the lot. Nothing prepares you for the gut wrenching moment when you have to pull these character's lives apart. Every character needs to be pulled apart and built back up in a story - that's how they grow. But there's something about doing it in chick lit, and knowing the reality of these kinds of situations, and the normalcy of the characters that just hurts you a little bit more. Or maybe it's simply that in chick lit the death is more personal because you have to become so intimate with these characters in a different way than you perhaps would in another type of genre. Chick lit has a more personal emotional heart to it, and maybe that's why it hurts more.

All I can say is, once So This Is is over, I will not be writing chick lit again for a while. It takes a stronger author than me to properly do justice to this sort of writing, and I need a proper break from so much death and misery.

Now if you'll all excuse me, I'm going to get on with my magical girl cosplay. At least that's light hearted and cheerful.

Cosplay Spotlight: Miyuki (Lucky Star)

Costume: My third cosplay, made partially because I wanted to wear a sailor fuku (they are unbelievably cute!) and I decided that due to her height, Miyuki was the only one I could reasonably pull off. Her skirt is made from red cotton, with thin white ribbon sewn along the bottom, and box pleats starched and ironed in (thanks Mearle!). The skirt zips half way down on the side (I have put weight on since this cosplay was made, and really should think about adding some extra fabric to avoid pulling the pleats out).

The shirt is made from white cotton, that was roughly sketched and cut out into what we thought was the vague shape. We wanted to make it loose to match the anime (and also to hide the fact that I am flat chested and Miyuki is not). The bottom of the shirt is then tucked into the skirt to get the desired poofy effect. The cuffs were made from red cotton, with thin white ribbon sewn onto them before attaching them to the shirt. The shirt has an opening at the back of the neck to get your head through, which is then buttoned up and covered by the sailor collar.

The sailor collar is made from two layers of red cotton (the cuffs are doubled up too if you were wondering to give stiffness), sewn together, and white ribbon (slightly thicker than the one on the skirt and cuffs) sewn down the edges. The neckerchief is attached to the underside of the collar, and was made from pink fabric. The shirt and the collar have buttons to secure them to each other, and the neckerchief is tied together with an elastic (the fabric does not hang well when tied).

The tights were bought from Accessorize, and I have one backup pair. The glasses are Harry Potter glasses, and work very well for Miyuki.

Make up: Once again, Miyuki is kept light.

Hair: Miyuki’s wig is a curly light pink one, which matches her very well. Due to its weight, it has a clip at the back to secure it onto the head, and I recommend hairpins for a wig of this heaviness too.

Amecon 2010, taking photos in a field (as you do) 

Amecon 2010. The lovely obliging firemen let us sit on their fire truck for photos (though they were a little flummoxed as to what exactly this whole thing was about).

Amecon 2012. This Konata cosplayer squeed at the sight of me, and I immediately squeed back. Ah the language of fangirls...

Amecon 2012. Due to poor vision this day, I had to use my real glasses instead of the round ones.

And of course, when Amecon 2010 hands you the Lucky Star dance...

New Years Resolutions (yes they're late, but screw you, I've been busy!)

Those of you who were bullied into reading this blog back when I first started it, might remember me popping up my New Years Resolutions right at the start of 2013. And since I have thus far failed to post anything significant this year, I thought this would be a good chance to review them and how successful I was. So just pop a party hat on your head, consume your body weight in alcohol, and pretend that it’s still New Year and not Easter.

1.       Complete and finish posting Magic Monsters Dominions and Destiny.

Failed – well I sort of failed at this one. Sort of, because it is so very close to being complete (I’m missing one kiss scene, and two duels), and is six chapters away from being completely posted. This isn’t tasting the ending, but I’m sticking my tongue out and starting to catch a few drops of sweetness on the end.

2.       Choreograph and perform a belly dance solo.

Failed – simply because we didn’t actually go to Jersey in 2013 (we went in April 2014 instead and I failed to perform a solo there purely because we only knew two months in advance and I had no time to prepare anything).

3.       Start a blog for writing, rambling, taking photographs and watching the world go by.

Check – though the amount I use the blog could definitely use some improving.

4.       Start the second draft of The Wolf Pack.

Check – I did half of the second draft for Camp Nano in April.

5.       Make a new cosplay.

Check – I made Kisara and a kimono plus quite a lot of steampunk stuff.

6.       Run the Race for Life in under 35 minutes.

Failed – but only just. 37 minutes 38 seconds, which considering in 2012 I was 42 minutes, isn’t bad at all!

So three out of six isn’t bad, and two of those weren’t so much failures as much as I just fell short of the mark. And since I’m doing this now, I suppose it’s a good chance to outline my plans and goals for this year. Only this year, I have to admit, they are a bit more serious than last year.

1.       Be sending out to literary agents by the end of the year.

This is the big one. If I do none of the others, succeeding at this one would make failing everything else worthwhile. Notable because I have actually set myself a proper deadline for this. By the 31^st October I want to have my current project (The God Relic) finished and in a position where I think it’s a good representation for me when I throw myself at the feet of literary agents. October might sound like a while away, but there is a reason for me choosing this month – it means I’ve got time to whip the second draft into shape whilst ironing out the truck-sized plotholes that cropped up in the first, and also because my second resolution is...

2.       Enter Bridport Literary Festival.

Entering Bridport was an idea I had at the beginning of the year, and I am currently roughly on schedule for it. I’m entering the short story and the novel competitions. My short story entry is in the editing stage, while The God Relic will be my novel entry. Since The God Relic only needs to be submitted in chunks depending on whether you are long listed or short listed, this gives me three nicely spaced deadlines to have different stages of the story done. The results are announced in October, which means that by then I will a) have a completed novel, and b) if I haven’t won, then I’m free to start flinging the manuscript at other agents. And if I do win, I score myself editing assistance and a possible contract. I call this plan solid.

3.       Finish Magic Monsters Dominions and Destiny.

It’s up here purely because it needs to be. I have got to finish it this year and close the chapter on this story series. It’s time, and there are a lot of other fanfictions doing a sexy fan dance in my sight.

4.       Make a new cosplay.

I’ve already got a few lined up, so I don’t know if this is cheating. I’ve got a magical girl cosplay that I’m doing for my birthday party, plus a few steampunk ones that I want to put together.

5.       Run the Race for Life in under 35 minutes.

Needs no explanation. I just have to train a little bit before the race so that I can shave off those last two minutes.

6.       Organise either a Steampunk Photoshoot with friends or a Cosplay Picnic.

I’ve wanted to do this for a little while. Basically I love dressing up and wandering around in public places. And if we can get a camera out there, even better. Plus I have the most awesome friends, who are always up for a bit of dressing up.

7.       GM an RPG.

We have a new game shop in Guernsey with a room dedicated to running roleplaying games. I haven’t GMed in so long, and I have a few ideas knocking around.

8.       Get Craig to come live in Guernsey.

I’ve spent the last few months crying, despairing, panicking and generally making myself ill over this matter, to the point where the doctor has actually told me to stop before I damage something irreparable. I want a mature and dedicated relationship where I don’t have to be a slave to the will of Skype and an unwieldy internet provider that has nothing but scorn for me and my boyfriend. And what it boils down to, is I want to spend the rest of my life with this obnoxious nerdy American, and for reasons I cannot fathom, he wants to spend the rest of his life with this snarky British genki girl. So together we shall be.

So, that's the targets for 2014, slightly ambitious considering that we're already four months in. >.< Better get to work then!

Magic Monsters Dominions and Destiny: On Location

I've wanted to do this for a while - this is a little visual guide to some of the locations featured in Magic Monsters Dominions and Destiny.

Big Ben

Chapters 16, 17 and 18

"I'm seeing it," Rebecca said grimly, pointing at the minute hand of the clock tower, which hung like a Sword of Damocles above the duellist's heads. "They'd better rescue him fast, because this duel just got put on a time limit!"

It's hard to photograph Big Ben from the outside, due to the tight security around the Houses of Parliament. But what an epic space for a duel!

Hungerford Bridge/Golden Jubilee Bridges

Chapters 16, 17 and 18

The steady flow of people crossing the bridge had ceased abruptly, leaving the footpath completely deserted save for Mai and Yugi. Eyes narrowed, Mai cast her gaze along the bridge, and saw nobody. And yet she was positive that this was it – their challenger had arrived. But where?

The white bits of the bridge are the walkways, and that line of green that you can see up there covers the train track. Good luck, Mai!

The British Museum

Chapter 19

A sandy coloured monolith of stone, surrounded by a fierce looking black gate, with brightly coloured posters flying from it. Around the corner of the street, was the front entrance of the building, with large pillars dominating the steps and sides, and a large entrance area between it and the gate, which was deserted of any life at this time of evening.

I love the BM. Museums are cool.

The Egyptian Exhibit

Chapter 19

In the middle of the room was a bench, with cases lining both walls, filled with knick knacks, broken tablets and chunks of pottery detailing Egyptian beliefs on life after death. 

Cases filled the room, with stone carvings and statues leering out at anyone who came to stare. Highly decorated boxes were displayed alongside a model of an Egyptian rowing boat. And entire wall was dedicated to a tutorial on the embalming process, the cartoonish figures looking oddly grotesque in the darkness.

Again, the BM is cool. Second photo is where the sarcophagi are taken from, the first is where Marik does his little trick with the mummies.

The Great Court

Chapter 19

A huge room with a smaller circular reading room inside it, topped with a domed glass ceiling, through which the moon illuminated the shadows on the walls...Wrapped around the reading room was a giant staircase, whose walls were engraved with names of people who had contributed to the museum, and which gave Yugi the odd feeling that he had just walked into a tomb with hieroglyphs all over it.

The darker half was not looking at them, but Yugi knew that he was perfectly aware of his audience. He was nowhere near the two sarcophagi, instead he lay on his back on the top of the staircase wall, some fifteen feet above them. One arm was tucked behind his head, and the other was casually pointing through the dome at the sky, drawing images in the stars that only he could see.

The Great Court is hard to photograph for obvious reasons. It's huge. First picture is a general view from the entrance looking off to the right. Second picture is the same place looking off to the left. If you went through those pillars on the second picture, you'd be directed to the Egyptian sculpture rooms. Marik is lazily flopped on the wall of that staircase (which is wide enough to rest on - I checked).

The Irrational Fears of Children (or what monsters we really should have been scared of in our younger years)

Re-watching childhood cartoons is a curious business. Obviously I’ve never stopped watching cartoons, but there is a crucial distinction between cartoons aimed at children and cartoons aimed at adults (a distinction that can be best summed up in the first five minutes of episode 1 of Elfen Lied). But something has been sticking in my mind lately, and I’m finding it rather perplexing. So as I always do, I’m going to talk about it to anyone who gives a shit, and use the exercise to help me put my thoughts in order.

When you’re a child, everything is terrifying. You’re a tiny little blob of jelly that’s been parked on planet Earth, and you don’t know anything (in spite of what you might have tried to tell your parents). TV, of course, was your ‘safe’ window to the outside world, teaching you the stuff you needed to know, like how to quickly navigate a swimming pool to collect floating stars, or how to best trap small creatures in a little red and white ball.

But in between the fun stuff, there was the stuff that terrified you into cowering behind cushions. Things like mummies creeping out of tombs in the middle of a deserted museum at night, or catching sight of spectral figures in mirrors. After being properly introduced to vampires (in The Simpsons *groan*) I developed a terrible fear of them, which prompted me to sleep with my neck covered by the duvet.

Dear Christ, I was a wimp when I was little! Why was I scared of these monsters at all?

I’m not talking about the knowledge that the monsters are ‘fictional’ and ‘only in the TV’. I’m talking about logically. Monsters from my childhood make no sense. I was obviously far more impressionable when I was five years old. Gluing me to the screen was child’s play (literally) providing you had access to an entire cement truck full of gunge.

But impressionable or not, why on earth did I fear these thing? Even as a child, on my tiny legs that were of no use to me at all in PE lessons, I was easily capable of outrunning a mummy. And what exactly was their method of attack if they did catch you? They don’t eat you, or turn you to stone. All I ever heard of mummies doing was potentially cursing you, which is a rubbish method of attack. Every child knows that curses can be broken with relative ease, and the mummy still has to get hold of you first. Homestuck fans are more terrifying than this, and that’s only because it’s more difficult to escape them!

Ghosts I don’t understand at all. Now in my adult years, I’m more fascinated by them than anything else, but when I was a child, curtain twitches in my dark bedroom used to make me scared...of what? I think to myself now. All a ghost can do is follow you around like a particularly persistent ex-boyfriend. Sometimes they pop out from boxes or right in front of you while you’re in the shower (yup, definitely sounding like an ex-boyfriend). So they can startle you – but they can’t scare you.

Often they do start airing their grievances and complaining about perceived slights against them to anyone who will listen, rather like those ladies who spend every free moment of their time writing in to the local newspaper to complain about unkempt hedgerows, and vapour trails making the sky look untidy. Annoying as fuck, but ultimately harmless.

And vampires? Bloody hell, where do I start? Gone are the days when a vampire breaking into your house and sucking your blood was a credible threat. Now they sparkle and sit in corners feeling sorry for themselves.

But even if Stephanie Meyer hadn’t come along and ruined vampires for us, there is a limit to how far vampires can be considered a threat, logically. Now I might be a heavy sleeper, but I think even I’d notice two fangs being stuck into my throat. Your neck is one of the most sensitive areas on the body (that’s why it’s an erogenous zone for most women, and some men) and anyone who has had an injection knows how much even a tiny needle stings, because you’re pushing something sharp in through an organ that’s specifically designed to keep shit like this out. Now imagine having two very large needles being jabbed into one of the most sensitive areas of your body. Even someone on a heavy dose of sedative is going to feel it enough to crack the glass of water from their bedside table over the side of the vampire’s head.

And even if you were drowsy enough not to notice being bitten, you’ve still got to drink the vampire’s blood in return to complete the transformation process (vampires apparently adhering to the same laws of equivalent exchange as alchemists). And humans just don’t have the stomach for blood – literally. That’s why when someone has a nosebleed, you’re supposed to make them lean forwards not backwards – it’s not just to make you look less daft. It’s because if you swallow that much blood, you’re probably going to throw it back up. So the transformation would fail regardless.

And this is exactly what I’m going to tell my kids. Obviously I’m going to have to check under the bed and in the cupboard anyway (after all, mummy is a grownup, and doesn’t know any better). But there are far scarier things out there, which I am convinced will enter the realms of cartoon nasties by the time I’m ready to conceive. Werewolves and zombies are still credible threats to a child in my mind (they can and will eat you, even if they can be foiled by silver or moving faster than a brisk trot). But things like the Weeping Angels and Slenderman will also be the nightmares of my children’s generation. Creatures that sneak up on you, and actually pose a threat to your person, and have the potential to separate you from your loved ones (or your head from the rest of your body).

And probably a good thing too. These are at least things that children have a rational reason to be scared of.

Shuffle over boys. There are new monsters in town.

(I was going to put pictures of the monsters down here, but frankly, the prospect of google imaging them terrifies me).

A little squishy project

Hi guys! Just a little update on one of my latest projects that I'm doing between Nanoing.

I do a lot of sewing, and I have lots of scrappy bits of fabric laying around - bits that aren't big enough to make something new, but are large enough that it seems a shame to throw them away. So I'm embarking on a little project to turn them all into cute pincushions!

So as you can see, today I've been cutting out a lot of hearts. What you're seeing in the picture below are bits of TARDIS dress and Sailor Fuku!

I'll add more updates as I find more little bits of fabric, and decide on how I'm going to decorate them. I have a love of buttons and ribbon, but I want to see if I can possibly do something with my stacks of embroidery thread too, so who knows?!

I'll keep you all posted! If you have any ideas, I'd love to hear them!

Stumbling blocks to 50K

So Nano has kicked off for my seventh year of participation, filled with plot twists and resting bags of peas on my wrists for a week after it’s over. But when it’s over I have 50,000 more words than I did at the beginning of the month, so I mustn't complain.

I mustn't. But I will.

My motivation for Nano is always subject to fluctuation, depending on the various things going on in my life at the time. These tend to form hurdles on my sprint to 50K, and their size varies greatly depending on how tempting or pressing they are. This year though, I seem to be trudging rather painfully towards the end, even though to the outside gaze, it looks as though I’m doing swimmingly (17K on day 4 is a pretty good result by most people’s standards).

My blocks this year have ranged from the tiny little pebbles to huge mountains on the track in front of me. My big problem is that I have a very short attention span. Even now, writing this post, I’m itching to go and do a million other things. My anxiety doesn't help – when I have deadlines looming or things that I know I should get done, my body goes into a state of nervous tension until I can get them finished. This makes me even more erratic, and any hope of concentration I had goes out of the window.

Other things get in the way. Even though I’m resolutely focused on writing this story, my other stories (particularly fanfictions – Sisters of the Infinite Schism and Shadow Summoners, I’m looking at you!) are waving coyly at me from the sidelines, trying to entice me over with their sexy plot twists and curvaceous characters (River Song and Kisara in particular are being really flirty with me right now!). I’ve spent the last few days listening to one track on my iPod over and over again, purely because its inspired such a wonderful scene for Shadow Summoners that it makes me want to put my Nano on hold and run off to write it. But this way lies demons, mainly because I cannot chunk write (with me, it dramatically attacks the flow of my writing), and doing this scene now would not turn out well.

If these stories are the mythically beautiful sirens on the side of the track, waving at me enticingly, then Pokemon Y is the massive hedge in the middle of the track (you know, the kinds of hedges that are single-handedly responsible for tripling the mortality rate of horses in the Grand National). I cannot emphasise how much I want to play this game. I’m growing rather attached to my team, even if it is currently suffering from a rather glaring lack of balance, with three fires, two waters and an electric type. I get very fond of my Pokemon in my games (yes I know they’re strings of computer code – shh!) and I don’t think I can be blamed for wanting to continue my adventure.

But I have to be good. To that end, I’ve taken to playing it in the one place where it is impossible for me to write – the bath. There is something rather satisfying about reclining in hot water and Lush bubbles up to my neck and level grinding like a woman possessed. All I’d need is a cup of tea to make the image perfect.

And of course, my friends and boyfriend are still here – this is the one thing I will stop for on the Nano track. They’re just too important to me. Jenny and Rob are back for a few days this week, and I’d never miss the chance to spend time with them. Then we’re still in Tennerfest season, and I have three in a row this week (White D’or, Duke of Richmond and somewhere else yet to be decided). Craig is busy too, fighting off the demons of term paper and other assignments in between his job, so at every point he manages to find a second to squeeze himself online, I'm there.

So I have enough obstacles and things to stop for on this track as it is. But the worst thing is that I’ve also got a dead weight dragging me back as I try to claw my way towards the finish line.

I'm always critical of my work, but lately this has morphed into something very real. It’s very rare that I like my writing any more. It’s been building over the past year, but its only since Nano started that I’ve fully got a grasp of what it is. Its like there’s no spark of life in my writing – it’s just words on a page, that don’t inspire anything. I look at my friends like Craig and Jess who are churning out masterpieces, and my own work feels stilted in comparison. And it scares me.

And it’s killing my Nano. I might be writing fast, but I hate what I'm writing. I know you’re not supposed to like your first draft – that’s the whole point of Nano. You’re getting the first draft out of the way. But even all my other first drafts had something inside them; a little ember of something beautiful, just waiting to have petrol thrown on it. But everything I write lately just seems to be a dead lump of charcoal.

I can’t give up on writing, even though it sounds like I might be. It’s the only talent I have (or had). All I can do is claw on down the track and hope that this deadness in my words doesn't last forever.